Losing Her

I was a bit shocked as my sister texted me last July 25 saying that Grandma died. I asked myself how? though, she's this thin, little woman, yet I am sure she's not sick or whatsoever. She's already 80 years old and I thought it is just so early for her to leave this world.

I am not close to her, honestly. It was this feud we have in our family that started over this. the nonsensical jealousy my mother's siblings have in our family. I don't know why they are mad at us - especially to papa. He had done nothing wrong to them. he even helped them get good jobs but they just lose those jobs because of such vices which my father doesn't approve.

Though, we are considered as NOT PART of the family,I still considered her as my LOLA. I have a lot of good memories with her, too. Losing her hurts me too, though I haven't shed a single tear seeing her lying inside the coffin. Her expression shows that she's agonizing in her deathbed. Her face doesn't show a happy and contented life. She's hurting inside and I can see it in her face.

Though not close to her, I can still remember her visiting the Day Care Center where I studied and giving me 2 peso coins for "merienda" or she will be at the Day Care's door waiting for me holding the banana cue in one hand. There are times that I'm not in the mood to go home, I simply skip the afternoon session at the Day Care Center and went to my grandparents house and have my siesta there. Well, even though those were vague memories, still, I can remember her face smiling at me and her subtle voice every time she speaks to me.

But all those memories have sunked and buried...
She doesn't even want anybody to be near us.
Why does she despise us so much?
We haven't done anything wrong.
We just live our life uprightly...

My heart had been filled with hate since then. I know she doesn't like my father and not even care much for her very own daughter - my mother. I have a lot of questions, only her can answer. But those things would be buried with her...